February 14th 2019 - Day 4
Today’s practice didn’t look anything like yesterday’s. Because, you know…life happened.
Today looked more like child’s pose on the bed and breathing deeply.
1-2-3-thought-4-5- damn thought again-6?
Start over and over and over.
Until each breath was a “wash cycle” (as Meghan Currie says), washing away the dirt from months ago. Finally, the breath/washing machine left me with an intention:
Meet yourself where you are and meet others where they are. Nothing more, nothing less.
The week started off with a burst of excitement. I was curious to see where yoga would lead me both physically and mentally. Boy was I in for an emotional ride!
I didn’t want to practice alone so I started my challenge with Adriene on YouTube (Yoga With Adriene). I practiced along her for the first two days. Having someone guide me through a practice felt amazing. And it didn’t matter how long the practice was as long as it felt right to me.
On day three, I woke up with a particular feeling. I woke up missing.
The feeling of missing someone is no stranger to me. For the majority of my life, I lived oceans apart from the people that matter to me the most. It hurt a lot to be apart and I built a wall of individuality around me to cope. If I could do everything on my own, I wouldn’t need anyone. I wouldn’t miss anyone.
And, that was just bull sh*t by the way.
On day three, I woke up missing because I remembered experiences that felt so sweet that I just wished them to happen again. The pain that I was feeling that morning was just a mirror image of the love that I tasted not too long ago. Instead of recoiling back into my shell, I took the pain as a sign to feel deeper into my heart.
I thought, “what’s so bad about missing something/somewhere/someone?” I’ve associated missing with all things negative. But now I realize that I never turned it around and thought about what I remember.
Remembering is honoring. It’s taking a step back to see the big picture. It’s putting the pieces together to create more fully and to love more generously and courageously.
I practiced on my own that day. My body shape shifted into a lot of back bends as I treated myself to a delicious vinyasa. I finally heard to call of my lion heart.
Towards the end of the week, my practice asked for more depth, presence and openness:
leaning more into my back body
taking more mindful breaths
allowing emotions to be felt
The challenge was to honor the complexity of each and every day. I made an intention to ride the emotional rhythm of each day however it synchronized with the heart, body and mind.