Time, giving so much so freely…
I am here for myself, my body and my mind. I keep showing up whether I’m on the mat or I’m with friends or by myself. You see, that’s actually the hardest part. Saying to yourself, “I am here for YOU.” ‘Cause once you say it, you gotta.”
Week three was intense in a 90% dark chocolate way. By intense, I mean that it got real. The milk chocolate taste I’ve kept in my mouth in the weeks prior turned a bit bitter. But we all know the more cacao, the better.
I wanted to give up several times. There were times when I found no point in posting my practice on Instagram. I was both amazed and terrified at how mindful movement could speak to my internal world so eloquently. It felt amazing to tap into the power and magic of yoga yet I was terrified of what surfaced.
The slower I flowed, the deeper I dived in. I discovered hidden truths, little gems that only shine when there’s total darkness. Pain came forward out of that darkness. A profound sense of sadness emerged alongside joy. Emotional needs waved at me with sparkly eyes.
I was HERE. I was listening to myself. I was paying attention to my body, my bones, my heart beat. What a profound experience!
I was tasting something richer, not what I was used to (aka milk chocolate).
And when someone else comes along to “be there for you,” it’s such a relief - whew! I’ve been theres and I have done it. I think, “now I can just ease into this and settle.”
But I don’t just settle. I can’t. So I make myself give it all up. I run. Because I’m discovering that I still have aspects that need mothering. And that being there for yourself is not something you and I can do for a day, a week, a month…It’s a life long commitment.”
The practice showed me a way to commit to myself. It didn’t matter what shapes I flowed in and out of. It didn’t matter how long I practiced. It didn’t matter whether I got on my mat or on my bed. What mattered was listening in.
In a challenge like this, the taste of the practice is expected to change. With every taste, there’s something to experience. And there is something to witness internally and externally. I saw my heart committing to me every day, I paused and listened to its story too.
For me, that’s priceless.